Sharing and Caring

I don’t know about you, but when the majority of your life is online trying to grow with your person and avoiding the many miles between you, it’s hard to SHARE much of anything with the people who aren’t sitting there with you.

You could have the funniest of jokes that you WANT to share, but your friends don't have a true understanding who you’re talking about because the time you have left to spend time with them is full of playing catch up. If you are able to sneak the joke into that block of time, you then have to figure out how to slip in all the background knowledge of who is involved and where it happened.

And when you’re finally brave enough to open up about the person you’ve been spending so much time with, you don’t really know how to start. “So, this guy….you know, the one I’ve been talking to...he’s really funny! I just can’t give any examples that you would understand without talking about myself for 6 hours.” And very few people have the patience for that.

There are a lot of different layers that need to be peeled back when you share with those closest to you. It usually happens over time, but just as you're getting comfortable with it, they start asking about future plans. Suddenly all of those hours of talking and planning, that you've been doing, goes by the wayside and your heart beats fast wondering if you’re too far ahead or behind where people are expecting you to be. Your mind spins because you don't remember if you caught them up with what your intentions. OR your guard goes up because you know they are going to put their feet in your shoes and plan your adventure for you.

You may not have any of these anxiety issues that I have on the matter. You might just be the sharing master in your life, and if so, please teach me your secrets! Until I learn how to scale the depths of intimacy, here’s what I've learned from my experience.

Tell ALL to your inner-most circle

You know the people who WOULD sit 6 hours and listen to your "love" story, "like" story, or "crush" story. They are the people who actually want the details and aren’t going to judge you for them. These are the people who will dish out the truth of their concerns and sing praises for your happiness. With great support comes great responsibility. Your tribe should be the first ones that you tell everything to! Confide in your people and keep nurturing that bond.

Misguided Care needs grace

The next layer in your group of people are those who care, but don't know you or your situation as well as those you are telling everything to. These people could be work mates, extended family, or people you run into occasionally.

They want to know details, but are quick to respond with their perspective of what you should do, based on their experiences, strengths, and weaknesses -- NOT YOURS. Ultimately, you and I both know that you’ve done your research, spent hours talking, and know what you can and can't handle. Be prepared to respond with grace; after all, they are just hearing your information and haven't had time to think it through like you have. Give them your plan bits at a time and when their opinions come, correct what needs corrected and brush off anything that isn't helpful.

Rejoice with the "go-with-the-flow"-ers

There're a number of people who let you be you. Any information you tell them, they respond well to. They don't tend to question anything beyond what you give them. They are happy to celebrate with you!

It gets trickier when there are bumps in the road or many unanswered questions in your way because they tend to put a positive spin on it instead of matching your disappointed/disgruntled/perplexed disposition. But hey-- at least your bad isn't as bad as someone else's hypothetical bad!

Be secure in what you've decided

This is my biggest take away. There are SO many voices that come at me in my life regarding health, long distance, visas, marriage, schooling, and jobs...that it feels impossible sometimes to distinguish my own thoughts on the matter. In order to fight all of the voices coming at you and find your own, you need to know what you've decided and WHY you've decided it. (Read why that is so important here: https://moriahsramblings.wixsite.com/laughingcontently/blog/what-is-your-why)

How can you get settled on a decision in an uncertain situation?

• Do your research - Figure out what you know on the matter. Talk it through with someone, join facebook groups, think of options that are outside of the box, or whatever you need to be the BEST informed.

• Write it out - Typically after researching, you find more than one option that might work for you. Do a pro/con list for every option you have. Try to eliminate things that won't work based on timing, money, your strengths and weaknesses.

• Come to terms - There isn't always a right decision. Find the best decision out of your options. Write it down on a piece of paper with your reasonings of why you went with that option over your others. Sign and date it.

• Reflect - When you are further down the road or when people are asking questions about what you chose, and you look back to all your choices again, you will probably start doubting yourself. That's why you do the step above. You may have found out more information since you followed through on your choice, or maybe you found that a different way would've been better, but you didn't know that at the time you were making the decision--and that's all you had to go with.

When you are settled in what you’ve spent long, hard hours planning. Be encouraged that who your choices concern most is you, who did the research and became resolved in what you knew at the time, not the people giving you their two cents.

People care about you and your situation. And in order to help them see what you're seeing, you need to be secure in what you know. Then you need to share that knowledge. You don't have to share it all at once, or everything figured out beforehand. Just be honest and gracious, and let those loved ones in!